*sigh*

My 3-day leave is about to end. Well, I still have 8 hours left. I'll be back to work at exactly 530am tomorrow. I don't know if I'm looking forward to it because I enjoy having some My Time. After this, God knows when I'll be able to get another My Time.

What did I do? During Day 1, I had to go to the store to, well, just hang out. People would often ask why I would go to the store even when I'm on leave. Well, the reason is that I won't be working when I'm there. I just go there to, well, chill. I want to experience how it is to be a customer of my own store.

Day 2. I went to Starbucks in Megamall to have my DM discuss my PA with me. Yes, it is work but it's just a few hours so I don't really consider that as working. Besides, it is my excuse to go out and do some retail therapy. My mom doesn't want me going out during my rest days or vacation leaves.

Day 3. I watched Shawshank Redemption for the 2nd time. That movie would always remind me of Enzo 'cause he was the one who recommended it. Yiiihiii. :D Who's Enzo? He's a regular customer and he is so much like Tim Robbins in the movie--quiet, soft-spoken, the type who would never break the law. He's also a banker and he looks so much like Tonton Gutierrez.

What else did I do during my 3-day break? Think. I made a lot of thinking. I made a lot of thinking about you-know-who. I realized that I still don't know what to do...whether to give him up or give in to what I am feeling. If I give him up, I would just have this huge "what if" in my head the whole time. If I give in, I know I'd end up at the losing end...heartbroken and foolish.

Which should I choose? To give up or to give in? Honestly, I do not see any good if I give up. But if I give in, I would finally acknowledge the fact that I am really in love with the guy. I know, I know it's foolish but I see that as a "pro", not as a "con". I have always believed in the saying that "it is better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all." But still, I wouldn't know what to do next.

My horrorscope for today said that "whoever you have been thinking about has been thinking about you too." How would you know if that is accurate? Do I ask him if he's also thinking about me? WOW! The only accurate part there is the fact that I have been thinking about him the whole time. Really. I didn't know that one can spend so much time thinking about a certain person. Seriously. Whether I'm in the shower, doing the dishes, drinking water, taking vitamins, walking home, watching a movie, or just doing nothing...he'll be there in my head. I read somewhere that if one wants to know if what you're feeling is love or lust, one must answer one simple question: "What percentage of the day or night do you think about him/her?" Makes sense, right? Well, all I know is that I think about him before I go to bed and fall asleep thinking about him. And it would be him I would be thinking of the moment I open up my eyes the next day. Seriously, I didn't know it's possible.

So tomorrow's a new day. I will be going back to work tomorrow not knowing what fate has in store for me. One thing's for sure...I'll be thinking of you.