2011...

In 2009, I made a resolution that I was able to keep for over a year and that was to be 100% alcohol free for the entire year! I tried to take in a shot of brandy in welcoming 2010 but it gave me acid so I decided to say farewell to alcohol for good. But...I tried it during my 33rd birthday and I got really drunk. I was so hung over the next day that I vowed to just drink "occasionally"...the occasion being my birthday! :D

I was not able to keep my 2010 resolution which was to be more frugal. So here I am...ready to welcome 2011 with a set of things I vow to "try" to keep:

• I will lose at least 20 lbs this year. How? I'll start with a detox method I learned online. I will be nicer to my body and feed it with only the good stuff. I will TRY to eat meat just ONCE a week and swear off fast food for good! I will learn how to say no to cakes, ice cream, and frappuccinos.
  
• I will be nicer to cab drivers, sales ladies, and supermarket counter persons. I will try to understand their situation and give more empathy.
• I will meet my deadlines...no...let me rephrase that. I MUST MEET MY DEADLINE

So...if you see me not keeping my resolutions, please feel free to remind me. :D

Diamonds are a girl's best friend...

For years, the only skin care regimen I only used was my trusted Pond's moisturizer which they phased out a couple of years ago. I tried other products like Myra, Clean and Clear, and Olay but they made me break-out. I thought that it was just my skin's initial reaction and that it would all be gone after a week...but it didn't! So I stopped using those.

I tried Pond's Whitening line and it was awesome! It did make me look fairer and more flawless. Really! But it was too expensive so I stopped using the entire line after I consumed everything. Good thing about it is that my face didn't have any negative reaction after I stopped using it.

Then I tried the Age Miracle Line late last year. I tried the facial wash, eye cream, and the day and night creams. I did not see any major effect except for the fact that I did not get a lot of pimples when I was using it. But, again, it was too expensive to use the whole line so I stopped after everything got depleted.

After a few days without my moisturizer, my skin felt rough, too tight, and oily. I guess that was my skin's reaction after I stopped using the Age Miracle Line. Until I saw fine lines and roughness all over my skin, that's when I started to panic! I did not care much about having wrinkles until I saw the fine lines under my eyes!!! No!!! I will defy the laws of nature and stop this!!!

I found an age-defying moisturizer by Pond's and started using it. It was ok but my skin still felt dry. I, then, decided that it's time to get the Age Miracle Line again!!! This time I got the serum together with the eye creams and the day and night cream. I guess the serum is the real miracle in the whole line! After a few days of using all creams religiously, my skin felt softer and smoother and even my mom noticed it that she also started using the cream. No, this is not a paid advertisement. This is just my way of sharing how vain I can get.

Then my cousin gave me this gift certificate for an Intensive Diamond Peel at Clarity. Since I live in Cainta, I chose the Clarity in Shangri-la. I have always wanted to get a Diamond Peel but just did not really give it much thought. The place was quite intimidating with the quaint furniture and the hushed voices of the staff. But the people were really friendly especially the girl who did the procedure on my face. She understood that it was my first time to have the procedure and that made me really comfortable. First thing she did was cleanse my face while giving it a gentle and very relaxing massage. Then came the procedure itself.

It was not really painful. It was relaxing, actually. The medical assistant used a pen-like device wired to a machine. The tip of the device is run throughout the entire face by section. It felt like it's scraping the surface and sucking away all the dead skin. It's like a tiny vacuum on my face.

She showed me my skin after she worked on the right side of my face. It looked more matte as compared to the left side which was oily. And it also looked fairer. When I touched my skin, true enough, it did feel as soft as a baby's bottom.

After my free session, I immediately booked for another appointment 2 weeks after, which happened this morning. During the two weeks in between sessions, I felt my skin did not feel as rough as it used to, and it looked softer and clearer. I read somewhere that diamond peel can make the facial products you use become 50% more effective. I guess my Age Miracle Line plus the Diamond Peel is really helping each other to give me the skin I have always wanted. I also noticed the dark spots become lighter. Ah-MAZING!

As I have said, I just had my 2nd session this morning. My skin still feels raw but it is softer and clearer. I can't wait for my next 4 sessions!

*sigh*

My 3-day leave is about to end. Well, I still have 8 hours left. I'll be back to work at exactly 530am tomorrow. I don't know if I'm looking forward to it because I enjoy having some My Time. After this, God knows when I'll be able to get another My Time.

What did I do? During Day 1, I had to go to the store to, well, just hang out. People would often ask why I would go to the store even when I'm on leave. Well, the reason is that I won't be working when I'm there. I just go there to, well, chill. I want to experience how it is to be a customer of my own store.

Day 2. I went to Starbucks in Megamall to have my DM discuss my PA with me. Yes, it is work but it's just a few hours so I don't really consider that as working. Besides, it is my excuse to go out and do some retail therapy. My mom doesn't want me going out during my rest days or vacation leaves.

Day 3. I watched Shawshank Redemption for the 2nd time. That movie would always remind me of Enzo 'cause he was the one who recommended it. Yiiihiii. :D Who's Enzo? He's a regular customer and he is so much like Tim Robbins in the movie--quiet, soft-spoken, the type who would never break the law. He's also a banker and he looks so much like Tonton Gutierrez.

What else did I do during my 3-day break? Think. I made a lot of thinking. I made a lot of thinking about you-know-who. I realized that I still don't know what to do...whether to give him up or give in to what I am feeling. If I give him up, I would just have this huge "what if" in my head the whole time. If I give in, I know I'd end up at the losing end...heartbroken and foolish.

Which should I choose? To give up or to give in? Honestly, I do not see any good if I give up. But if I give in, I would finally acknowledge the fact that I am really in love with the guy. I know, I know it's foolish but I see that as a "pro", not as a "con". I have always believed in the saying that "it is better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all." But still, I wouldn't know what to do next.

My horrorscope for today said that "whoever you have been thinking about has been thinking about you too." How would you know if that is accurate? Do I ask him if he's also thinking about me? WOW! The only accurate part there is the fact that I have been thinking about him the whole time. Really. I didn't know that one can spend so much time thinking about a certain person. Seriously. Whether I'm in the shower, doing the dishes, drinking water, taking vitamins, walking home, watching a movie, or just doing nothing...he'll be there in my head. I read somewhere that if one wants to know if what you're feeling is love or lust, one must answer one simple question: "What percentage of the day or night do you think about him/her?" Makes sense, right? Well, all I know is that I think about him before I go to bed and fall asleep thinking about him. And it would be him I would be thinking of the moment I open up my eyes the next day. Seriously, I didn't know it's possible.

So tomorrow's a new day. I will be going back to work tomorrow not knowing what fate has in store for me. One thing's for sure...I'll be thinking of you.

PEE-EHM-EHS

If you're a girl and you get your period regularly then you are all familiar with that monthly dilemma you experience that's so inexplicable you just want to shut yourself out from the whole world.

Yes...that thing called pre-menstrual syndrome is a killer (well not literally) for many women. As defined by wikipedia, it is a collection of physical, psychological, and emotional symptoms related to a woman's menstrual cycle. Physical symptoms may include breast tenderness and zits, among other stuff. Emotional symptoms include dysphoria, or the presence of an unpleasant mood. It is the exact opposite of euphoria.

I know it's way, way too much information for me to say this but, yes...I just got out of one. It's a monthly thing I don't exactly look forward to. Having my monthly period PLUS cramps is a joy as compared to experiencing PMS.

I was soooo irritable for one whole week. To add to that, my self-esteem was at a record low. I couldn't explain it. It felt like it was the end of the world. No one could understand my mood!

The day before my period was the worst day ever. I wanted to cry. I wanted to scream. I wanted to strangle everybody who crossed me. I was ready to welcome the worst migraine of my life but nothing came...not one single hint of a headache. All I got was depression! I was chatting with my ASM and I was crying because I couldn't explain what I was feeling. I was so depressed I asked my best friend to call me just to cheer me up. Some were actually saying I was depressed because of this guy, but trust me...it's not him! I was positive he wasn't the reason because I felt totally different the next day. It felt like nothing happened...like I was living a nightmare the day before. Like I was a zombie in reverse!

So, why am I writing about this? It's because women have always been misunderstood. Men think we're crazy because of the mood swings we get. Some men would even try to pick a fight with us during this period. Bad idea!

What should men do when their girl is having these mood swings? I, for one, would just want to be with my man. He doesn't have to say anything, he just has to be there. He can try to bring me flowers, or chocolates, or my favorite dessert, but his mere presence would be ok for me. It would work differently for other women, though. Maybe they want to be alone or maybe they just go out with their man.

Truth is, it's nothing personal. PMS is a normal thing women go through every month. It's nothing to be annoyed about but instead, something that many men must understand. It's as normal as breathing. It's like a deep wound that needs to be treated with utter care and patience so that healing will progress.

Two days after my horrific PMS mode, I feel totally different. I remember feeling so light-hearted despite of the intense cramps I was experiencing. The grey cloud that hovered above me was no longer in sight.

It is proof that it's really nothing personal. It's something that women have no control over. Yes, we can choose our attitude, but PMS has a very strong force over women.

Don't argue! :D

tao po

Minsan iniisip ko, oops di pala minsan...lagi pala...

Iniisip ko, when will this end?

Is it really up to me?

Di ko ba talaga pwede malaman kung saan pupunta?

Pwede bang magkaroon ng time machine?

Pwede kayang maging si Edward Cullen talaga para naririnig yung sinasabi ng utak mo?

Wala lang...

that thing called HEARTACHE!

I remember reading somewhere that this is the year I will be falling in love. I don't know if I should be happy or excited or if I should dread the day. Fall in love? Me?

I have had my fair share of heartaches in the past. That's because when I fall, I fall really hard with a loud "thump" and "clunk" with matching bruises and wounds everywhere. Hehehehe. I don't really know why I always end up being hurt. I'm always at the losing end when it comes to love. There was this guy whom I loved from afar. We were good friends but I was in a relationship back then so nothing really happened. Then I was in a long-distance relationship for almost 2 years, turned out that the guy has been cheating on me the whole time. Then there was a rebound guy whom I tried to fall in love with for 6 months but just couldn't so I had to end the relationship. Aside from all of these relationships, there was a couple of friends I fell in love with but friendship was all they could ever give me. Bummer!

Looking back at my series of heartaches, I suddenly realized how pathetic I must have seemed back then -- Crying over the wrong guy almost every night, staring at an empty space thinking about what might have been, listening to love songs every chance I get.

Did I learn from it, after 20-something years of being in love with the wrong men?

I guess I did.

I am currently in that scenario all over again. There's this guy whom I like so much but I just have no idea if he feels the same. If I met this guy 5 or 10 years ago, I would have approached him and confessed my feelings. I would have gotten his phone number and tried to reach him every chance I get.

What I learned from all of the heartaches was to have control: to weigh the pro's and con's of all my actions; to consider the outcome before I take action.

Someone recently told me that if I really like this guy, the best thing to do is to stop thinking about him and start doing something. That I should know what I really want with this guy: a relationship, a friendship, or MARRIAGE maybe? (D-uh...wishful thinking? I don't believe in marriage) Start doing something? Argh!

It is just frustrating that I am back to where I was before. I feel so helpless and so frustrated. I don't know what happened but maybe, I just feel like I deserve to be happy. I always tell people that I am not looking for a relationship right now but if someone comes along, then good! That may be true 2 years ago. But now, I have this sudden realization that I do want to be in a relationship and that I am just afraid of many things that can happen: heartache, break-ups, fights, endless tears. But as the saying goes: "It's better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all".

If you watched He's Just Not That Into You, there's a character there whom I can relate to perfectly: GIGI. She's the girl who would always obsess about the guys she dated. She has a line there that I just love: "I may do a lot of stupid shit but I know I'm a lot closer to finding someone than you are."

Going back to my current situation, I am starting to like this guy so bad that people are starting to think I'm falling for him. Am I? I don't know. My romantic part is telling me to tell the whole world about how I feel for him, but my more logical side is telling me to STOP OBSESSING!!!

But you know what? I would give up all of my inhibitions and logic for this guy! I would tell the whole world "To hell with what you think!" as soon as he would realize he likes me too! I'm serious! That's how much I like him that it's starting to scare me...

33!

I just turned 33 yesterday. Honestly, I don't feel like I'm 33! I mean, how is a 33-year old woman supposed to act or feel? I feel so light-headed and generally happy! I feel that any challenge that would come my way would be so easy to conquer.

I celebrated my birthday with the people who are dear to me. My team. I feel like we need something that will take us away from the workplace for awhile and just release all the tension. I was dead drunk with a terrible hang-over the next day. I went to bed at 6am and woke up at 9am. I tried so hard to catch more zzz's that it took me an over an hour to do it. I decided I'll just go to church and went straight to the shower.

I can not imagine how I must have looked like being drunk last night. The last time I got so drunk was almost 2 years ago, December 2008 to be exact. I just didn't like the feeling of being hung-over. I made a mental note to myself to get myself really wasted during my birthdays. That's it!

What made my birthday even more special? Well...I had the most wonderful birthday gift. September 18, 2010 will be so memorable to me. We received a complaint and it turned out that it wasn't for us. You can just imagine my relief when I found out.

And well, there's another thing but...never mind.

So...going back. I'm 33. I am so looking forward to what being 33 has in store for me. Will I be falling in love this year? Will I travel? Is there something that will make me utterly happy? I really hope so...